Most embarrassing moment

I never knew how to answer the popular ice-breaker question "What's your most embarrassing moment?"

For one, I can't think of anything more embarrassing than a cold sore.
And two, it would be quite inappropriate to reply with "waking up next to ____".
Or "that really embarrassing picture my dad found of me at a fetish party."
...Talk about an ice-breaker.

So, I usually follow with some lame story about how I was approaching a group of people in my high school courtyard during lunch intended on wowing them with my wit, and instead choked on water. A situation that I hardly consider worthy of a "most embarrassing moment" story.

And even in a context where the former stories might be appropriate, they are less embarrassing than they are humiliating.

Finally, Korea has given me a truly embarrassing experience.

...Long, long ago (August 19th, 2011), on a dark and drunken Friday night...

I had just spent all week being treated like shit by little asshole kids. It was time to relax and have some fun. I was feeling good knowing I had the next two days to be a normal person again..
I had left my apartment after drinking some gin at home.. listening to At The Gates on my iPod, I was flyin' high!

On my way to the Jeffrey Lewis show at Vinyl Underground I passed a small arcade. I thought I'd play a little bit of Tekken before the show. Feeling loose from the gin and pumped on Swedish death metal I was ready to kick some nerdy-Korean ass.

I saddled up on an empty stool, plopped a few coins in the machine and was ready to pick my character. When the battle began I was sure I didn't pick Devil Jin, because I don't like his floppy-ass wings. So that must have meant I picked the other character.

I started to whoop some ass. But I felt like my joystick was stuck in the forward position and maybe it gave me an advantage.. "maybe that was why the seat had been empty", I thought.

After each victory I couldn't help but lightly drum along on the machine to my music. My heart was pumping so hard with the thrill of the fight. I also felt pretty awesome for beating a Korean, since they are known for their excellent gaming skills.

Arcade nerds started to crowd behind me, this made me really nervous but I was still kicking ass. I eventually started questioning my successive wins. I was pretty good at button mashing, but not this good. As the thought entered my mind that I might not actually be playing, I argued that after the first battle it said I had won.. but the doubt persisted as I started noticing more and more inconsistencies in the motion of my character.

I finally noticed the flashing "insert credits" cue in the bottom corner of the screen. My already pounding heart went into an embarrassed frenzy as everything came together. My ego went from astronomical to atomic in a nanosecond. I quickly ran out of there feeling like a total idiot. I had held up the machine for at least 15 minutes. Those kids must have thought I was a total idiot.

I am just a woman with a small brain, after all. I wish I knew how to say that in Korean.